I'm doing better.. really, I am.. I think o_O

So.. minus the sleeping.. all the time.. I think I'm doing better.. a little better physically & mentally..

Sydney Screams stopped over the other day.. & well.. what, I just woke up from a pain killer daze, in my pjs, bedhead.. & utter lack of makeup *gasp..* (I haven't worn makeup since last Thursday..) I can't thank her enough for stopping by - especially spending her brief lunch break dealing with my madness, making sure I hadn't hung myself from depression yet.. I love her to pieces & I'm going to really lose it when she leaves for Thailand. (Yes, you suck for leaving, but I couldn't be happier for you for having the opportunity & ambition to travel the world!)

I know I must seem like a whiny hot mess bitching about this car accident.. in all honesty, I AM terribly depressed about it.. I already had injuries from an accident in 2009 that I'm still cooping with.. & I'm still trying to cope with PTSD.. I have panic attacks while driving.. NO I did not have an attack when the accident happened, thankfully. And.. well, I know it seems like I air out my dirty laundry all over the internet, but I really do keep quite a bit bottled up.. I should work on that...?

I'm rambling.. as usual.. but I think what REALLY scares me.. is.. I think I've had way too many concussions by now.. I really, honestly, can't remember the name of one of my family practitioners whom I've been seeing for YEARS.. & other little odd "I really should know that" things. It's freaking me out.

But today was a good day, kind of.. my car.. my beautiful car - not just for looks, I really had some sort of odd, overwhelming emotional attachment to it.. Maybe because I drove her SO much to & from shoots ALL over the damned place? I don't really know.. but something inside of me really broke seeing her being totaled out.. Yes, the Celica was a she.. all sexy things are shes. Duh. (My attempt at humour right now..) I had a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe they'd be able to fix her? Again, I'm rambling.. but hey, it's my blog right? lol.

Anywho.. recovered everything from the car today, received the payment for the total loss.. and was able to salvage my trip to Atlanta this weekend - I had trips to attend CandleCon (yep, that's what a bunch of us goofy models are calling our awesome fetish content gathering at Candle Boxxx's place in Atlanta this weekend Oct 1-5 - I'll explain more in another post). I'm flying up now instead of driving, which saves time & sanity.. & well, with the price of gas.. maybe I'm coming out even.. eh, I did get killer gas mileage in that car.. & I even have an awesome producer coming down here to shoot me instead of me hitting him on the way up there.

I guess my point is.. I'm starting to see that light at the end of the tunnel.. it's just taking one step at a time.. one baby step at a time.. & slathering of a billion different creams to minimize bruising.. heh.

And I really couldn't be more thankful for my amazing friends & fans out there supporting me.. keeping an eye on me.. reminding me that shit happens (some times really shitty shit happens), but they're always here for me.. & that means the world to me.

Thank you guys - love you all!! xoxo